Meh

Well, I was going to write and write and write until my little fingers fell off. I began this blog several times, and yet got nothing I really wanted to share with the entire internet. It started getting a wee bit too personal every time, so I decided to say to hell with it all and just write nothing of any consequence. I'm sooo terribly interesting.

Thought of the Day

OK, today I received the new issue of Glamour (which I never read and didn't subscribe to, yet somehow get issues every month) and I have to say I hate the cover. I mean seriously, Christina Aguilera's hair looks like the product of a six-year-old's foray into the glamorous and exciting world of Play Doh barber shop hair styling. Neither the color, nor the texture of her hair on that cover occur anywhere in the natural world. I just don't understand...her face looks beautiful, her clothes are casual but classy, yet her hair appears to know the intimate details of all the bleaches available at the local Sally Beauty Supply. I'd like to tell her stylist to back off the peroxide or else I'll cite him/her for follicular homicide. That's all.

In Cognito-Girl

Yeah, I've been laying low for the past few days. The weekend seemed to start early and was very busy. However, I did get to catch up with some friends whom I hadn't seen for quite some time, which was much fun and I can't wait to see them again. I also managed to squeeze in meeting a politician, so it's been a full few days.

My pet died on Sunday, which made me sad. She was a cow and her name was Bunt. Yes, I had a pet cow. She was good for such tasks as mooing and being pretty. She was very old for a cow (roughly 16-17 years old). I loved the cow and I miss her.

That's pretty much it for the time being. It's hard to write about things when I've nothing noteworthy going on. Oh well...I'm sure more interesting things will happen as Spring progresses.

Triste

I learned today that one of my pets is going to have to be put down. She's really old and losing hair and she's just declining, as I was told. I'm sadder than I expected to be about it, but that's life, I guess. Or death...whatever way you want to look at it.

Mood Indigo

Without talking too much about my job, I have to give a bit of background about work for this entry, even though I'm loath to do so (I don't like discussing work too much here because I really don't want it to come back and bite me on the ass). My duties at work leave me alone much of the time, which can be a gift and a curse; a gift because I don't have to deal with as many people, and a curse because I have to deal with the never-ending string of thoughts and ideas that go through my head. Luckily, I'm often distracted by the constant (usually bad) music that fills the background, and the stuff that skips into my head skips right back out, leaving nothing deep and meaningful behind.

That did not happen today.

While speaking to a coworker (a very nice, sweet gentleman), I had one of my thoughts. Was this conversation full of deep philosophical ideas? No, it was more along the line of run-of-the-mill work chit-chat. Now, I often say that I really hate people...individuals can be awesome, but people generally suck and I really held firmly to that (misanthropic Minxy). My brief conversation with this coworker had me re-thinking that position. I found myself thinking that I really hope this kind individual has happiness in his life. This is not to say that I believe he isn't happy, but that I want happiness for him. The thought expanded to the realization that all I want is for everyone to be happy, even people I don't know. I want to see the good in people (note that "I want to see" does not mean "I see only," as I'm not so naive as to think there aren't people with badness in them, or that there aren't people who are just plain bad). I wish for the contentment and comfort of others as much as my own. I've learned today that, deep down, I really love my fellow human beings almost as much as I love my dogs. I don't hate humanity; I hate stupidity, which is solely a human affliction, therefore, I mistook that hatred for human hatred. I know this isn't an original thought by any means, but it's kind of new for me.

I'm not sure how to feel about this discovery in the mind of the Minx. One moment, I'll feel deep awesomeness at my newfound love for people, and the next moment I'll feel deep sorrow that so many of my fellow humans have to suffer so much (I suppose that qualifies as mild ambivalence). I haven't felt this much compassion in a very, very long time...so long that I nearly forgot how incredibly compassionate I am (if one could have a degree in compassion, I'd have a fucking doctorate, like, three times over). I'm sure the reviving of my tender heart is very much related to the newly discovered aspect of myself. This makes me scared, for I do not want my heart to hurt and it's very possible that I've inadvertantly made myself vulnerable to heartache. I'm not an idiot, but I can be a bit gullible at times and I'm afraid a person of less than savory character would try to take advantage of that. There's so much more to say about this, but the words have left me. Perhaps I'll have more another time.

Briefly

I've only enough energy for a wee little post tonight. I've been a little sad today. I learned this morning that a friend of my dad's passed away a few days ago and his funeral was today. He used to work with my dad and I was introduced to him years ago. My dad told me to call him "Uncle Jack" even though he's no relation. He was a cool dude and my dad thought highly of him. And, while I really didn't know him well, I'm saddened by his death...mostly because I'm sad for my father losing his friend. I hate the thought of my dad being sad, I hate death, and I hate the fact that I'm crying right now and I don't exactly understand why the tears are falling. Maybe it's stress-plus-death-plus-whatever else is in my head. Or maybe it really is just because it hurts me to know that my daddy lost his friend and is sad. I think I'm too sensitive sometimes.

As if I Needed Something Else

Flight of the Hamsters is my new addiction. It's silly, frivolous fun and I learned of it from another knitter.

In other news, there is no other news. I watched movies and ate pizza last night with Erik. I've decided that having male friends is much easier than having female friends. I think it's just less stressful. I value all of my friendships, male and female, but sometimes I just think it's easier to be friends with a guy. It seems less complicated to me and more free in terms of expressing myself. I'd elaborate on this but I'm not going to because I'm tired, I don't want to sound like I'm perpetuating stereotypes when speaking of my own experiences, and I want to make the hamsters fly some more.

Mixed

I've been so lazy about writing the past few days. I make no apologies, as I've had little to write about anyway. Last night, however, was quite fun.

My friend, Erik, thought it would be nice to have a small shindig with a few friends. We went to the Olive Garden (the little lasagna rolls with the sausage are very tasty, by the way), where I surprised myself with how much I actually spoke. I'm not really a big talker when I'm with people I don't know, especially people who I find mildly intimidating. Everyone was wonderful, and no one did anything to make me feel that way...I know it was totally in my head because I'm sometimes insecure and easily intimidated by the unknown. Also, it was a little weird being the person with the least amount of education in the group and also being the only person in the group who doesn't have an academic job. I'm used to being the person talking about things for which no one really has a point of reference or understands, not the person without. Despite my lack of knowledge and reference points, though, I had a really nice time, stuffed myself with delicious food and met some really nice people.

After dinner, we moved the party back to Erik's and played an interesting word game called Apples to Apples, which was very fun. The party diminished from seven to three people after the game and we stayed up until 4:00 AM watching South Park and talking about religion, or our general lack thereof. I then drove my ass home and finally went to bed around 5:00 this morning. It was so awesome to have an extended period of fun time like I did last night.

Beauty

Yesterday was a fantastic day. I went with my friend, Erik, to Ithaca and we had so much fun. Walking outside in natural light with cold, fresh air was both mentally and physically refreshing. We ate delicious subs and looked at books and music and yarn. That's my new sock yarn. It's Ja Woll Aktion sock yarn from Lang Yarns. It's a self-striping yarn and I just love the colors. Brown, two blue-gray shades and a lighter tan...it's very unlike the colorways I usually lean toward. The colors are rather understated, very beautiful and more masculine than I typically look for in a yarn. I'm a girly-girl with my yarn and tend toward pinks, purples, reds, and combinations that evoke more of a feminine feel. Something about this one, though, just caught my eye and said to me "Pick me! Pick me!" and who am I to ignore the call of the yarn? It was speaking to me and I had to listen.

I wasn't the only one who made a yarn purchase. Erik's yarn is Malabrigo Kettle-Dyed Merino. The camera didn't want to capture the colors quite the way they actually look. The yarn has olive green, brown and rust tones. The camera decided it wanted to make the colors a little more pink-ish looking instead. Either way, though, it's a lovely one-ply yarn that's working very well for my new knitting student. I'm pleased to say that every single one of those stitches are Erik's and he made very few mistakes (all of which were common for a novice knitter, very minor and easily fixed). His stitches are so lovely and even, I daresay he's a natural.

As I watched my friend carefully making stitch after stitch, I couldn't help but be moved by how beautiful it is to watch someone's hands performing an act of transformation. I've watched my own hands while knitting, and I've watched my other students' hands, but this was really the first time I've watched someone and found the movements so striking and amazing. I think it's due to the fact that he developed a basic competency level so quickly, so I was able to watch him make stitches, rather than watch in wait for mistake-fixing. Surely another factor was the quiet in which we were working. It was a learning experience for Erik and we had very few noise distractions and minimal conversation. My other knitterly friends have all been knitting for a long time and are at a skill level that allows them to chat and laugh while knitting, thereby distracting each other from watching hands make stitches. The quiet and the yarn and the stitching just put me in a bit of a Zen moment of beauty and I fell in love with knitting all over again.

It Ends Far From Where It Began...

So it's twice now this week that I've been forced to write in the morning because of the fact that I live with people and have to share the computer. I find this mildly annoying...not the living and sharing part, but the part about having to wait until the next morning to blog. It messes up the entire flow of it. I'm an evening blogger, not a morning blogger. If I want to keep up on writing my blog, I'd really like to be able to write when I normally prefer to write. Last night, I had so many good ideas for what I should put on here, but now they're all lost in dream land because I had to wait. I always have better ideas in the evening. I really need a laptop and a wireless connection, but I really can't afford one. Curse my wretched poorness!!! I have to look at something cute now...

To the right are my fine puppy-beasts, Josie and Chloe. Josie is the smaller dog and Chloe is the big one dangling her leg over the edge of the couch (she does that all the time). They are the most wonderful dogs in the whole world. They're loving, cuddly, happy dogs and my life is much better with them in it. They are dogs of the highest quality and they are the best people I know.

I just learned that my friend Shar just lost her sweet dog, Lucky. She'd had her dog for many years, I'd say at least 13, based on the fact that her sister, Jade, was just a baby when they got the dog and she's now a teenager. I met Lucky a couple of times and she was a very sweet and lovely dog. She was nice to me and I was nice to her. I feel badly for Shar because it hurts so much to lose a pet. It's one of the most heartbreaking experiences I've ever known and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. I think it's because pets love you no matter what. Pets will still love you even if you yell at them to leave you alone. They love you even if you forget to feed them until hours after their normal dinner time. They even love abusive human parents (who should be shot in the knees and castrated in my opinion, but that's another blog entirely). The most important thing pets (especially dogs) know how to do is love and it's also the thing they do best. When a pet dies, all you have is the memory of that unconditional love. Just bittersweet memories...

Tori

"Gas lights glowing in the streets, twilight held us in her palm as we walked along." ~from Gold Dust by Tori Amos.

"A soul-quake happened here in a glass world. Particle by particle she slowly changes." ~from Concertina by Tori Amos

I daresay, these are two of my favorite lyrics by Tori Amos. There are many great ones to choose from, but the two above strike me as particularly special. The woman is a lyrical painter.

Honest About Being A Misanthrope

Yeah, I've decided I really don't like people...mostly just in general, but some in particular as well. I'm getting really tired of disrespectful assholes that seem to just materialize out of thin air. I hate a certain individual, who shall remain nameless, because he's really nasty to me half the time and the other half I just can't seem to do anything right in his opinion. As if I don't already have enough of an inferiority complex, this stuff makes it worse. Nitwits, all of them!

My Ears Are Bleeding

I really hate that Clorox Bleach Pen commercial...you know, the one with Kelly Ripa and her awful, awful singing. That woman drives me nuts. I mean, I don't really understand the appeal of Ms. Ripa. She's obnoxious, only moderately attractive and can't act her way out of a paper bag. Every time I've seen her, she seems to make it a point to perpetuate the "dumb blonde" stereotype (or maybe she truly is a dumb blonde, in which case she needs to go learn something already). But enough is enough! Someone fire her and get her off the air...PLEASE!!!

Zzzzzz.....

Yes, I should probably be sleeping. I don't really feel like it, though. I think I'm feeling lost a little, in a spiritual sense, that is. 'Cause physically, I know precisely where I am (which is the corner of the kitchen where the computer desk is). I don't know. I just feel like I'm missing something and yikes, I'm starting to sound like an ad for the Book of Mormon. Not that I have anything against Mormons or Mormonism, it's just that some of their commercials start out that way. What sucks is that I have so many issues with all the religions I've either been exposed to or read about that I've found it nearly impossible to choose a way to cultivate spirituality in myself. It's frustrating. What's also frustrating is that this makes two serious posts in a row. I've lost the funny, I've lost the wit. Please, oh please let it come back soon.

A Thought

Sometimes, I wish I was famous or in charge of a big company or something. I just want to be important. I want to be known and admired for something more than my sarcasm. I mean, sarcasm's good and all, but not much in the grand scheme of things. And sometimes I feel like I'm not much in the grand scheme of things. Poop.