The Perils of Baby Talk and Other Public Service Announcements

Over the past few weeks, I've noticed some things in my normal, everyday dealings that have left me either annoyed as all hell or scratching my head in bewilderment. Here are just a few examples of the nonsense I see on a daily basis:

1) Parents, please for the love of the god I don't believe in, STOP SPEAKING TO YOUR KIDS IN BABY TALK AFTER AGE 6 MONTHS!!!!!! If you don't, you'll end up having a kid with a completely avoidable speech impediment because you thought it was just so cutesy-wootsey to talky-walky like thissy-wissy. Here's a thought: If your kid is 8 years old, he shouldn't sound like he's 3.

2) There is no such thing as a size 24W skinny-fit jean, no matter what the tag might say. Embrace your curves, big girls, wear clothing that fits properly and dress to IMPRESS!!!

3) On a similar note: There is a very specific body type that looks good in a very high-waisted pant and that body type typically isn't over a size 4.

4) Ladies, please stop hovering over the toilet in public restrooms, especially if you have absolutely no intention of cleaning up the mess you will inevitably leave because women simply weren't built to pee while standing. The seat liners are there for a reason...USE THEM!

5) Seasonal business owners, if your business is not open until July 21, please either remove the sign displaying your business hours (implying the business is indeed open) or add a sign indicating when those business hours take effect. With gas prices as high as they are, help people save themselves the extra trip.

6) Another one to parents: If you want little Johnny to end up getting scraped off the grill of some gas-guzzling SUV, by all means, continue to let him play on his bike in the middle of the street. On the other hand, if you'd like him to see his 10th birthday and eventually reach adulthood, tell him that rush hour traffic is NOT the place for him to pretend he's a BMX star.

And finally:

7) If you're not friends with someone on a personal, non-business level, DO NOT ASK HIM OR HER PERSONAL QUESTIONS YOU HAVE NO RIGHT OR BUSINESS ASKING. Crossing boundaries is NOT cool.

This concludes today's PSA presentation. Thanks so much for reading.

A Letter...

Dear Idiot Drivers Who Pissed Me Off Today,

I know that rush hour traffic can be tiresome and a total bother.* I know that we all just want to get to our respective homes, eat dinner and relax. However, that doesn't excuse your total lack of respect for other drivers. In particular, Ms. Ford Explorer, you needn't have tailgated me from Horseheads all the way to the Elmira exit when I was already going nearly 80 MPH. Seriously, do you really need to go any faster than that on the highway? It's not as if I was lane-clogging, and you could have gotten around me with great ease had you applied yourself. But no, you waited for me to shift lanes and then buzzed on by. Why you couldn't use your signal and press your foot more firmly on the accelerator is beyond me, but perhaps you could keep that in mind for next time.

This brings us to Mr. Ford Explorer (Eddie Bauer edition).** I was totally prepared to chastise you for your lack of awareness of the green arrow lighting up. Then I realized that the light had turned red and you legitimately thought you had to wait, not knowing that the Traffic Gods would smile upon the intersection and give us left-turning people a wonderful green arrow. So I'll forgive you for making the line of traffic wait a few extra seconds while you were doing whatever it was you were doing while thinking you had to wait. I will, however, yell at the jackass who waited all of 3 seconds before he decided to lay on his horn to alert everyone that we were waiting. Dude, you were, like, 5 cars behind me...you wouldn't have had the arrow even if Mr. Ford Explorer (Eddie Bauer edition) had hit the gas the second the arrow lit up. Relax man, relax.

But seriously, kids, have some freakin' patience. It's only driving.

Thanks,
Minxy

*In all honesty, the "rush hour traffic" of which I speak is not very heavy at all. I mean, it's Rt 17...it only gets really bad at Christmas and even that's nothing compared to your basic, everyday traffic in a big city.

**Yeah, total coincidence that both vehicles of note were Explorers...must've been a Ford kind of day.

Psycho-Hose-Beast

I've come to realize that I probably have more rants about driving than anything else. This is no exception to the road-related ranting (hooray for alliteration). Driving along the parkway on my way to work a day or two ago, I was in the left lane, easing my way past a few cars in the right lane when I was nearly side-swiped by this big-ish white car that appeared to be either trying to get into the left lane or trying to take up both lanes. I finally made it past the car and peeked over when I was level with the driver. I saw her hunched forward, close the steering wheel, forearms doing most of the maneuvering while her hands were firmly on her cell phone, mid-text. What the fuck?!?!?!? If a message isn't important enough to merit an actual call, it's not important enough to merit a response when you're driving along during what constitutes Elmira's rush-hour traffic. I know people text and drive and I DO NOT condone this in any way at all, but if you really must, memorize the damn key pad so you can at least look more at the road than the phone. Or, think of the safety of others and don't text at all, you fuckin' jackasses.

P.S. Thank you, Wayne's World, for leaving us with such memorable terminology as "psycho-hose-beast." The world is a more descriptive place for it.

Wakeful

Between weird dreams involving my dogs running away, coyotes, wolves and wildebeest-like creatures all over my lawn and generally waking up a few times a night the past few nights, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I really don't enjoy interrupted sleep, and I'm sure most people feel the same way. I hate it, actually, because I don't have a really high energy level as it is, and with the sleep issues, what little energy I gain from sleeping is burned up pretty quickly. Yesterday and today, I think I started off the day with my energy in the negative column...luckily I had to work only one of those days. I'm really hoping tomorrow proves to be a better day because I'm fairly sick of feeling tired and drained. Really, it totally sucks and I'm pretty sure my writing is suffering as a result. And to top it all off, the damn spellcheck function hasn't been working the last two times I've posted, but I think I'd find this less annoying if I weren't so damn tired. Ok, I'm going to try and sleep now.

Grumble Grumble

It really drives me nuts when people act superior to me because they have children and I don't. It also drives me nuts when people who have children act like I don't know what hard times are like because I don't have children. I hate it when I make a point about something and someone says "yeah, but you don't have kids" as if my not having kids invalidates my point in any way. I am annoyed to no end when I'm left out of an entire conversation because the other participants feel the need to center the subject around what their kids did the day before. I'm really bothered by the fact that people treat me like I'm completely clueless about life because I didn't get knocked up before I was old enough to drink legally. I went to college instead, not that it counts for anything to all the people my age who have reproduced. And my question to them is: What's so bad about being responsible and waiting until the right time to have children, and why does this deem me inferior to those of you who have different fathers for all of your kids? GRRRR!!!!

Resolutions are STUPID

One thing I always hate about the turn of the new year is how everyone always asks what my resolutions are for the year. I personally think New Year's resolutions are a total crock of shit. All good intentions aside, putting off change for a certain time of year usually sets one up for failure and, subsequently, self-loathing. I say if you want to change something about yourself, just do it. Don't wait until a specified day where "everybody else is doing it so I should, too" is the general mentality about it. Nine times out of ten, resolutions consist of taking measures to improve one's health, such as dieting, quitting smoking and/or exercising. Since that is the case with most resolutions, don't wait. You'll be more likely to change your habits if you begin when you make the decision AND it will be better for you in the long run to begin early, rather than wait those few extra weeks or months 'til the calendar turns. OK, I'm done now.

Slacker

Yes, I'm a total slacker. I never blogged last night. I was way too tired to even think, let alone write. Oh well...I'm sure the internet did fine without me.

I'm rather annoyed right now. I've been reading a book (which will remain nameless) for nearly a month now. Normally, it does not take me this long to read a book unless it's uninteresting, exceedingly long or I have no time to read other than a minute or two here and there. This book is fairly short, fairly interesting and I've had enough time that I should've finished it by now. The problem I'm having with this book is twofold: First, I really want to start reading the book my friend gave me for Christmas; second, while the book is interesting, it strays far off its proposed topic. It's a non-fiction book concerning Eastern philosophy. I'm intrigued by Eastern philosophical ideas (namely Taoism) and thought it would be a good book to get my feet wet, as it were. However, instead of focusing on Taoism, the author uses the book as a soapbox from which he spews forth his own socio-ecological-political philosophies and beliefs. I don't mind reading that type of material, but for the love of all that is holy the man needed to NOT write it under the ruse of Taoist ideas. In the beginning of the book, the principles mentioned and examples used did mesh rather well. Yet less than a third of the way through, the author started going so far off-topic with whatever aspect of the human race that was pissing him off at the moment that it made little to no sense when he finally did circle back to the subject of the chapter. I mean really, if I'd wanted to hear about how the government sucks or how we're raping the natural world, etc., I'd talk to some of my neo-hippie friends or go to Ithaca or something. I really wanted to read a book that would help introduce me to Taoism, not a 257-page rant about how much the Republican administration of the eighties and early nineties sucked....TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!!! I guess I'm going to have to find something else to slake my learning thirst.

My Ears Are Bleeding

I really hate that Clorox Bleach Pen commercial...you know, the one with Kelly Ripa and her awful, awful singing. That woman drives me nuts. I mean, I don't really understand the appeal of Ms. Ripa. She's obnoxious, only moderately attractive and can't act her way out of a paper bag. Every time I've seen her, she seems to make it a point to perpetuate the "dumb blonde" stereotype (or maybe she truly is a dumb blonde, in which case she needs to go learn something already). But enough is enough! Someone fire her and get her off the air...PLEASE!!!

Doormat No More

Sounds like some kind of spray to rid oneself of errant doormats, doesn't it? Well, I have no errant doormats that I know of. It's more in reference to the fact that I'm tired of how so many people in my life seem to think that I have to have their opinions. Or that I should bend to their will. Screw that! No, no more!

Every day, I'm bombarded with people trying to force their opinions on me. You read correctly, opinions, not beliefs, OPINIONS (which I just noticed that if you take the "p" and first "I" out of, you're left with ONIONS...stinky). People make it their routine to get others to "side" with what they think to be true. I also have a lot of people presenting false information to me as truth, but that's a whole other blog right there. Is everyone permitted to have an opinion? Of course they are. But is being allowed an opinion automatic permission to attempt to make others have the same exact one? No freakin way. Express it and get over it. Don't stand there telling me the same smack-talk over and over again trying to get me to like this or not like that all while assuming that we have the same thought on something, 'cause I can guarantee you that ninety percent of the time, we won't. Which is a nice segue into the wanna-bend-me-to-their-will part.

Here's a story.

I was recently verbally attacked twice by someone who decided it was their business to chime in on a private conversation I was having with someone else. (For the sake of efficiency, the person in question will be referred to in the masculine form.) I stated some opinions about someone else and also said that this someone else shouldn't advocate going against the rules. I wasn't being judgmental, I was stating facts. Well, he overheard the last couple of words of the conversation (the factual part about not breaking rules) and then tried to chew me out about it. The basic gist of the attacks was that this person wanted to assert his self-righteous conviction that whatever he said was right and I was wrong. The goal was to make me feel guilty and ashamed over what I was saying to the other person and to show to the world that I'm a bad person for my own opinions and assertions (which if he had heard the entire conversation, he would've been aware that they were indeed two different things). I was commanded to not pass judgment on people he knows, even though I hadn't. Now, if he had any concept of the English language, he would've known that passing judgment and stating an opinions and facts are not the same thing. Judgment implies one making a declaration of right/wrong and saying one should be praised/punished for the right/wrongdoing. I handled it quietly and didn't bend, which is actually a good thing for me. The point is, was the conversation any of their business? NO!! Did they think it was? YES. Why is that, I wonder? Why do people think that if they happen to overhear something that has nothing whatsoever to do with them, then they have the right to say and/or do whatever they want in response? Also, why do they think that I have to bow to their attack? Why do so many people think that others don't have (or aren't entitled to) a mind of their own?

I realize that's a lot of questions all in a row, but this shit's been bugging me for some time. In my daily routine, it's so easy to get sucked into other people's drama and/or mindsets and I'm so incredibly tired of it. So this is my declaration of reclamation of the Minx. I will no longer be intimidated by small people who use stupid, low tactics in a ridiculous attempt to empower themselves. I will no longer allow people to believe that I will assume their opinions instead of having my own. I will not bend and I will not break. My back will be as if I have a steel spine. My mind will be MY OWN. If anyone doesn't like that proposal, you can fuck off asshole, because it's non-negotiable.

Perfume, Shmerfume (The Cologne Wars)

So I was leaving the grocery store and there was a man walking in front of me out the door. He was pretty tall, wearing really casual kinda sporty looking stuff....and a shit-ton of cologne. It was awful...absolutely awful. I mean, it wouldn't have smelled all that good even if it had been used in moderation, but I was optimistic about it. I thought "Well, maybe once we're outside, it'll dissipate or something" (and before you ask, yes I think in "big" words that have more than two syllables...I'm a nerd like that). So, we went through the door and much to my dismay, it didn't lighten up at all. No, it was the cologne from hell assaulting my nose and it was taking no prisoners. As he walked in front of me and got further away, the stench trailed and hung in the air like smog. What made the whole thing even worse was the fact that the stinky-cologne man was going to the same part of the lot as I was. Luck of luck, he was parked two cars down from me, so I had to follow him to my car. And I had to bite my tongue not to go up to him and say "Excuse me, but you shouldn't be wearing enough cologne to drown a household pet" (bonus points if you can tell me what video game that's from). Nope, I couldn't tell him, so my nose had no respite from this man's gross misuse of scented products until I got to my car and could close the door. It's sad when kinda-stale car air is the lesser of two evils. It's even more sad that due to the fact that I work in retail, I encounter this type of thing ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! When I'm at work, sometimes I'll be able to smell a person's fragrance a good three minutes before they show up at my counter. Then I still smell them ten minutes after they leave.

(Just so the guys who are reading this and thinking "But I know girls who...blah blah blah," I know it's not limited to just men. Women can be even worse culprits, especially middle-aged and older women. Also, there is a greater abundance of cheaply-made and even cheaper-smelling women's perfumes than there are men's colognes. So don't be thinking that just because the example is a guy that I'm just guy-bashing or bashing all cologne-wearing dudes. I'm not, it's just the ones who wear too freakin much...and the chicks who do, too.)

I know, kind of a weird spot for a disclaimer, but I often digress like that. I wonder, do these people bathe in a large vat of eau de cheap-cologne every day? Do they not realize how strong the smell is? Do they not understand that some people are allergic to some fragrances (me, especially with the cheap designer imposter crap) and others are so allergic that your abundant perfume can actually send them to the hospital because it triggers asthma attacks? Do ya feel like killing someone today? No? Then use only 1 spray of your Obsession, please. Guys and gals who over-use, do you think that the more you smell like Calvin Klein or J-Lo, the more you are Calvin Klein or J-Lo, or that somehow it makes you more attractive? Because, NEWSFLASH! it doesn't. It actually works against you. And to all the women here who seem to think that Vanilla Fields or any other vanilla perfume smells good on them, do you not realize that once the stuff's on your skin it smells like total shit? Vanilla perfume is the worst of the worst in a sea of stinkiness. If you want to smell like a cookie flavoring, BAKE SOME FREAKIN COOKIES!!!

Why don't they get it? I know they're not all stupid people. They can be taught, I'm sure. And there's so much that I want to say to guide scent over-users to the right path, but I either can't or shouldn't. So I'll just say it here. these people need to learn that not everyone wants to be able to smell them. They need to learn that with the right amount of perfume, it cannot be smelled (or it can just barely be detected) if a person is standing more than three feet away from them. They need to learn that if a person can duck and cover to avoid you five minutes before your arrival because they smelt you first, then you're wearing waaaaaay too much. They need to learn that there is a proper use for perfume products and that, when used properly, a perfume should enhance, not overwhelm. And using a fragrance to cover up your nasty b.o. is not an appropriate use for perfume. If you have that nasty b.o., I suggest you take a freakin bath! Apparently, over-users need to learn a lot. And I hope they start learning soon, because I don't want to end up getting an ass-beating or losing my job because one day I just lose it and say "You know, your raunchy smell is invading my personal space and offending my olfactory sense. You might want to wash some of that nasty-ass perfume off...soap's in aisle 15."

Rude People = Evil!!!

(After re-reading this, I realize that some of what I say could be considered rude and mean, but I don't care. I'm pissed, dammit!)

So I went to one of my favorite, FAVORITE blogs yesterday and I found something to comment on, so I emailed them (as comments are disabled on that site). Perfectly innocent email, with no ill will behind it. Well, I was greeted today with an incredibly rude email back from that site. It was a one-liner, but it was so nasty in tone that I was like, "what the fuck?!?" and almost shot back an equally wicked message back to them. But I didn't because I've been conditioned my whole life to believe that getting mad is a cardinal sin. I also saw no point in starting an email war with someone I don't even know outside of that blog. It's not like I'd get any real satisfaction out of it. Well, I re-read my message and I could see where someone who has little intelligence and even less sense of nuance could construe it as something mildly offensive (but not the apparent personal attack it was taken as...there's no way in HELL that it could be taken as an attack). So, being that I've been conditioned not only to not get mad, but to assume guilt that isn't mine, the autopilot in my brain told me to send an explanatory message back. I did and also said that I meant no offense or rudeness and even apologized if it seemed that way to them. I haven't heard back, since I just sent it, but I'm sure I'll get yet another rude response. After the autopilot kicked off, I found myself wondering why I should even care about what some twit across the country thinks of what I say? It's not like she was commenting on my meager blog and said something rude, she was just rude in retaliation to my rude-only-if-you-twist-it-all-to-hell comment. So why am I so irritated by this?

After pondering this for a few minutes, I realized why it is that I'm annoyed. I find it incredibly bold of someone to get so rude to a person whom they don't even know. I also find it incredibly base and without manners. But mostly, I find that it shows a profound lack of character. Honestly, what kind of person must you be to lash out at a complete stranger? What makes you so special that you have the right to be a bitch to everyone who crosses your path? Do you not realize that there is another human being on the other side of that remark?It's not just this one person who sent me the email, no. It's happening everywhere, online and off. It's become so commonplace that the bulk of the population seems to be constantly mean and rude. Have we become a society that celebrates being mean to each other and acting as if some people are better than others? Is this the norm now? It seems so, and that nice, considerate people are the freaks.

I'm at a loss. I try to be nice and at the very least civil to people I come in contact with. Most of the time I do pretty well, too. No, I'm not always in the best mood, but at least I try. And I know there are a lot of people who are very good to everyone they come across. I work with several of them, so I KNOW that nice people exist. But I fear that the balance between consideration and rudeness is surely tipping away from good side. I witness this every day at work, as I am employed in the wonderful world of retail. It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who think that because they're on the other side of the service counter, they're automatically better than I am. They then think this gives them the right to be as nasty to me as they possibly can. And since I work for a company who stresses customer service above all else (which I'm not criticizing in any way, shape or form), I've been molded to be nice no matter how badly I'm treated. I do this, most of the time, and if I can't be nice, I try to at least be neutral (unless there's a particularly belligerent customer, in which case sometimes I use the same tone...I'm not proud of this, but people don't realize how hurtful they are). So why can't other people do this? What makes it so hard to be nice?

So this is why I'm currently pissed off. I probably shouldn't be and I'll probably have people telling me not to take it personally or that I shouldn't care so much. Maybe I shouldn't. But I do care. Why? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I'm fed up with nice people being verbal punching bags. Maybe it's because I think people should treat each other with some decency, 'cause we're all in it together, people. Or maybe it's because I believe that no one should have the right to act as if they're better than others by belittling them, whether in person or online. Who knows? What I do know for certain that no one deserves to be treated like shit, whether it's in their real life or their online one. There's no excuse for that.