Such Lovely Weather We're Having

Oh how sweet the weather's been the last three days. The temperature got up into the seventies today. JOY!!!! The sunshine has been helping my anxiety, too, as I haven't had particularly bad episodes of panic and my general anxiety level has been pretty low. Well, lower than it has been. I'm so excited about spring. I can't wait 'til the leaves unfurl and the flowers bloom. If you could see me right now, you'd be seeing a very content little minx.

Hmmm...

Naked Britney giving birth on a bearskin rug...at first when I saw pics of this statue floating around on the internet, I thought "Oh dear sweet Jesus, what has she done now?" But then I read the press releases about this and thought "These people must be f-ing delusional if they think that's what a woman looks like (all serene and sexy and not at all bloated and in pain) when they're giving birth." Quite the statue, that one is. Yikes!!! Sure, I understand the whole pro-life stance of said statue, but for the love of God, did they have to make one of her on all fours sticking her ass in the air like she's presenting? And didn't they realize that their representation of Brit's labor would be nit-picked to hell, seeing as she really had a C-section? I personally think it would've been much more tasteful if the designers/makers of this statue would've sculpted something just a little bit more, oh I don't know, pre-labor. You know, maybe kind of in the same vein as Demi's Vanity Fair cover, naked, pregnant and a bit more tasteful. Show the beauty of Brit's pregnancy to the world rather than making her look like she's trying to seduce the doctor while Sean Preston's crowning. I mean, eww!

Sleepy Lil' Minx

Minxy's day today in a nutshell: zero to twenty to seventy-five to thirty-two and slowly waning back to zero.

At least it wasn't too bad of a day. I mean, work was decent (even pleasant at times) and I managed to keep my food down, and that's more than I can say for yesterday. And I managed to avoid the ridiculous drama between one of my friends (who's being rather cool and calm about this drama) and another chick (who just can't let anything go and who also drags other people who are otherwise uninvolved into her daily drama). Yay me!

I Must Be COMPLETELY Insane

I was talking with one of our team leaders at work (she's really more of an assistant manager than a team leader) about some ideas I have about our coffee shop. We got into a bit of a discussion about many things including, but not limited to, the aforementioned ideas, some of the numbers, and the fact that no one really "owns" the coffee shop (meaning that no one really takes charge over there to promote all the stuff we offer). The shop does well on its own, but she said we could really be doing a lot more, we just need somebody who's willing to take it on and make it better. In one of my less brilliant moments, I said "Well, give it to me. I can do it as long as I get some extra training and guidance to learn all the extra, nitty-gritty things I'd need to know." And we got talking about it. Nothing has been set in stone, but I managed, in the course of an innocent sharing of ideas, to offer myself to the mercy of an entire department. The thing is, I know I can do it, and I think I have a pretty decent chance of being cultured for this type of responsibility, even though it was more of a casual conversation than anything else. Nothing has been set at all (or even mentioned to the manager), but still it terrifies me just thinking about it. It'd probably be a good thing for me...I'd learn more, have different responsibilities, and I'd probably finally feel like I'm more than just a shift worker. I'd feel kind of important. But I'm getting ahead of myself, so I'll not speak of this further. Still, it's kind of neat. Hehehe.

Full Moon Insanity

I was feeling pretty good about stuff for the last few days until yesterday. I started feeling much self-doubt and anxiety, more in the dark hours than in the daytime. I looked up at the sky last night (and tonight for that matter) and saw that the moon was waxing more to the full stage of its cycle. I pointed it out to Doc and I said, "Hey, maybe that's why I'm feeling funky and such." He agreed that I may be on to something since the moon does some weird stuff to people. And he should know, since he used to work in the loony bin and saw the crazies get even worse during the full moon. He gave the impression that one wouldn't even have to go outside to look at the sky because they'd know just by seeing how schizo the schizos got at that time. For me, things just get very anxious and I start over-analyzing more than I normally do, which leads to more anxiety and tons and tons of guilt and self-doubt and more guilt for feeling all the doubt. I lose much of my confidence and my sense of perspective. It sucks, plain and simple. I guess I should count myself lucky, though; the full moon only makes me more neurotic. It could be worse. I mean, I could've been one of those people who go totally batshit-crazy when that silvery saucer makes its way around every month. I'm thinking that I got the lesser of two evils.

I Love the Smell of Coffee in the Morning

Work today was lovely. Sure, I had to be up at the butt-crack of dawn to be there by 6:30 when my shift started, but I don't care. I don't care because I got to open the coffee shop that's located in my place of employment. I was uncharacteristically chipper, too, even when the shift was nearing the end and I was losing steam. It was just a surprisingly good day. I just got home about twenty minutes ago, I'm tired as hell and I still smell like various rich coffees (and somehow a hint of patchouli, but I think I must've brushed up against one of the incense packets in a different area). All together, the different flavors kind of smell like one sweet amalgamation that resembles creme brulee and hazelnut (both of which are flavors we offer, so I guess that follows). I love it when workdays are good.

Perfume, Shmerfume (The Cologne Wars)

So I was leaving the grocery store and there was a man walking in front of me out the door. He was pretty tall, wearing really casual kinda sporty looking stuff....and a shit-ton of cologne. It was awful...absolutely awful. I mean, it wouldn't have smelled all that good even if it had been used in moderation, but I was optimistic about it. I thought "Well, maybe once we're outside, it'll dissipate or something" (and before you ask, yes I think in "big" words that have more than two syllables...I'm a nerd like that). So, we went through the door and much to my dismay, it didn't lighten up at all. No, it was the cologne from hell assaulting my nose and it was taking no prisoners. As he walked in front of me and got further away, the stench trailed and hung in the air like smog. What made the whole thing even worse was the fact that the stinky-cologne man was going to the same part of the lot as I was. Luck of luck, he was parked two cars down from me, so I had to follow him to my car. And I had to bite my tongue not to go up to him and say "Excuse me, but you shouldn't be wearing enough cologne to drown a household pet" (bonus points if you can tell me what video game that's from). Nope, I couldn't tell him, so my nose had no respite from this man's gross misuse of scented products until I got to my car and could close the door. It's sad when kinda-stale car air is the lesser of two evils. It's even more sad that due to the fact that I work in retail, I encounter this type of thing ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! When I'm at work, sometimes I'll be able to smell a person's fragrance a good three minutes before they show up at my counter. Then I still smell them ten minutes after they leave.

(Just so the guys who are reading this and thinking "But I know girls who...blah blah blah," I know it's not limited to just men. Women can be even worse culprits, especially middle-aged and older women. Also, there is a greater abundance of cheaply-made and even cheaper-smelling women's perfumes than there are men's colognes. So don't be thinking that just because the example is a guy that I'm just guy-bashing or bashing all cologne-wearing dudes. I'm not, it's just the ones who wear too freakin much...and the chicks who do, too.)

I know, kind of a weird spot for a disclaimer, but I often digress like that. I wonder, do these people bathe in a large vat of eau de cheap-cologne every day? Do they not realize how strong the smell is? Do they not understand that some people are allergic to some fragrances (me, especially with the cheap designer imposter crap) and others are so allergic that your abundant perfume can actually send them to the hospital because it triggers asthma attacks? Do ya feel like killing someone today? No? Then use only 1 spray of your Obsession, please. Guys and gals who over-use, do you think that the more you smell like Calvin Klein or J-Lo, the more you are Calvin Klein or J-Lo, or that somehow it makes you more attractive? Because, NEWSFLASH! it doesn't. It actually works against you. And to all the women here who seem to think that Vanilla Fields or any other vanilla perfume smells good on them, do you not realize that once the stuff's on your skin it smells like total shit? Vanilla perfume is the worst of the worst in a sea of stinkiness. If you want to smell like a cookie flavoring, BAKE SOME FREAKIN COOKIES!!!

Why don't they get it? I know they're not all stupid people. They can be taught, I'm sure. And there's so much that I want to say to guide scent over-users to the right path, but I either can't or shouldn't. So I'll just say it here. these people need to learn that not everyone wants to be able to smell them. They need to learn that with the right amount of perfume, it cannot be smelled (or it can just barely be detected) if a person is standing more than three feet away from them. They need to learn that if a person can duck and cover to avoid you five minutes before your arrival because they smelt you first, then you're wearing waaaaaay too much. They need to learn that there is a proper use for perfume products and that, when used properly, a perfume should enhance, not overwhelm. And using a fragrance to cover up your nasty b.o. is not an appropriate use for perfume. If you have that nasty b.o., I suggest you take a freakin bath! Apparently, over-users need to learn a lot. And I hope they start learning soon, because I don't want to end up getting an ass-beating or losing my job because one day I just lose it and say "You know, your raunchy smell is invading my personal space and offending my olfactory sense. You might want to wash some of that nasty-ass perfume off...soap's in aisle 15."

Rude People = Evil!!!

(After re-reading this, I realize that some of what I say could be considered rude and mean, but I don't care. I'm pissed, dammit!)

So I went to one of my favorite, FAVORITE blogs yesterday and I found something to comment on, so I emailed them (as comments are disabled on that site). Perfectly innocent email, with no ill will behind it. Well, I was greeted today with an incredibly rude email back from that site. It was a one-liner, but it was so nasty in tone that I was like, "what the fuck?!?" and almost shot back an equally wicked message back to them. But I didn't because I've been conditioned my whole life to believe that getting mad is a cardinal sin. I also saw no point in starting an email war with someone I don't even know outside of that blog. It's not like I'd get any real satisfaction out of it. Well, I re-read my message and I could see where someone who has little intelligence and even less sense of nuance could construe it as something mildly offensive (but not the apparent personal attack it was taken as...there's no way in HELL that it could be taken as an attack). So, being that I've been conditioned not only to not get mad, but to assume guilt that isn't mine, the autopilot in my brain told me to send an explanatory message back. I did and also said that I meant no offense or rudeness and even apologized if it seemed that way to them. I haven't heard back, since I just sent it, but I'm sure I'll get yet another rude response. After the autopilot kicked off, I found myself wondering why I should even care about what some twit across the country thinks of what I say? It's not like she was commenting on my meager blog and said something rude, she was just rude in retaliation to my rude-only-if-you-twist-it-all-to-hell comment. So why am I so irritated by this?

After pondering this for a few minutes, I realized why it is that I'm annoyed. I find it incredibly bold of someone to get so rude to a person whom they don't even know. I also find it incredibly base and without manners. But mostly, I find that it shows a profound lack of character. Honestly, what kind of person must you be to lash out at a complete stranger? What makes you so special that you have the right to be a bitch to everyone who crosses your path? Do you not realize that there is another human being on the other side of that remark?It's not just this one person who sent me the email, no. It's happening everywhere, online and off. It's become so commonplace that the bulk of the population seems to be constantly mean and rude. Have we become a society that celebrates being mean to each other and acting as if some people are better than others? Is this the norm now? It seems so, and that nice, considerate people are the freaks.

I'm at a loss. I try to be nice and at the very least civil to people I come in contact with. Most of the time I do pretty well, too. No, I'm not always in the best mood, but at least I try. And I know there are a lot of people who are very good to everyone they come across. I work with several of them, so I KNOW that nice people exist. But I fear that the balance between consideration and rudeness is surely tipping away from good side. I witness this every day at work, as I am employed in the wonderful world of retail. It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who think that because they're on the other side of the service counter, they're automatically better than I am. They then think this gives them the right to be as nasty to me as they possibly can. And since I work for a company who stresses customer service above all else (which I'm not criticizing in any way, shape or form), I've been molded to be nice no matter how badly I'm treated. I do this, most of the time, and if I can't be nice, I try to at least be neutral (unless there's a particularly belligerent customer, in which case sometimes I use the same tone...I'm not proud of this, but people don't realize how hurtful they are). So why can't other people do this? What makes it so hard to be nice?

So this is why I'm currently pissed off. I probably shouldn't be and I'll probably have people telling me not to take it personally or that I shouldn't care so much. Maybe I shouldn't. But I do care. Why? I don't know. Perhaps it's because I'm fed up with nice people being verbal punching bags. Maybe it's because I think people should treat each other with some decency, 'cause we're all in it together, people. Or maybe it's because I believe that no one should have the right to act as if they're better than others by belittling them, whether in person or online. Who knows? What I do know for certain that no one deserves to be treated like shit, whether it's in their real life or their online one. There's no excuse for that.

aww...fuzzy

I love photo editing. It's just plain fun. I mean, who doesn't like the idea of taking a kinda boring picture and making it nifty looking? This one totally sucked before I tweaked it. It was all yellowish and the peachy-orange tanktop I'm wearing in it doesn't really help with that effect much. The only thing I miss is the brown of my eye...it's a really good pic of my eye. But that's ok because I can always go back and change it if I want, 'cause I'm sneaky like that.

Wow. I just had a thought that I never thought I'd have, though. I REALLY want a digital camera. I know, it's insane. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty much a strictly-film kind of gal. And I'm not a point and shoot gal, either. I like to take my time and manually focus and do all that fun stuff that I have no idea what it is, but nine times out of ten it works out pretty well anyway. I have no scanner, so the digital would be a good idea. Man, I feel like such a sell-out. Kinda like Greenday must feel after they lost their good sound and turned entirely too mainstream. And what the hell kind of bassist uses a pick? Honestly. I've been playing an accumulated 6-7 hours and I don't need a pick. Sorry for the digression...Doc's been quite the influence on me lately.

Yikes! Just a preview of my insanity

Dear, sweet Jesus, what have I gotten myself into with this? Who knows? Maybe it'll be good. Random? Certainly. Insane? It's a given. Sometimes I'm told that I have a lot to say (often, I'm told this with the words "shut" and "up"), so I guess I might as well do something creative with my energies. Here's to hoping anyway. [insert silly little giggle here]

At this exact moment, I'm looking through the window to an amazingly clear northern PA sky. It's perfect, and the moon is a bright and beautiful half-saucer hanging somewhat low in the midnight sky. Some people see the moon as rather inconsequential...just a shining ornament in the night. Others see it in a purely scientific manner; it's a research destination and a force that affects our own forces here on earth. Still others see more. I love the moon. It makes me think of faeries and mystics and energies and possibilities. Oddly, nothing makes me feel like I have possibilities in myself and my life quite like the moon. Not even babies (they signify hope more than anything else, for me anyway). And I'm stopping now before I get entirely too sappy.

Well, I'm certain this isn't exactly the best blog post in the world, but it's my first one on a strictly-blogs site, so yay me. It's just a stepping stone; one little bit at a time. Clicking the publish button will be the hard part. But as my favorite person in the world would say, "Baby steps, Minxy, baby steps."